Birthdays

I was simply sitting here thinking about my up coming birthday. I have made practically no plans for it. And I always make plans. I plan a costume party, invite lots of people and plan to have an awesome time.

I fucking started to cry thinking about my last few birthdays. Spending them going to bed alone, hurt, crying, angry, or knowing things were just plain fucked up.

Even last year. I had fun, during the party. At the same time a large group of friends decide to go to another friends new bf’s party. I also knew that my marriage was ending. We just hadn’t said a thing yet.

This year I am going to the zoo. Buy myself a book, maybe go to dinner or a movie. And I am willing to do it alone. I may have someone to go with, but I’m not setting it in stone.

I wanted each year to make up for the last. To make up for the bad memories. I fucking love birthdays. I just want one with happy memories around it.

~Ivy

Paper Cranes

I haven’t done any serious origami in  years and years.  I used to make cranes and monkeys and elephants and horses and so on.  Then I stopped and just made fish. Cause they were cute and easy and fun.

Today a girl I have been chatting with told me that she thought the most romantic thing a person could do for her would be to make a thousand paper cranes and fill her room with them.  It made me want to make a paper crane just for her.  I told her I would make a school of fish for her bathtub, and that I would practice making cranes for her too.  I like knowing that something so small is making her so happy right now.

It really is the little things.

 

~Ivy

Work!

I leave tomorrow morning for my new job.  Trying really hard to not to be toooooo excited about.  Lots of fears, like what if I absolutely hate it up there. Or what if people are horrible, or what if I get there and they don’t like me, or etc etc.

I should just just stressing and be happy I finally have a job.  Starting off with four days to see how it all goes.  I’m sure it will be just fine.  I know my stuff, and it will likely be pretty boring.

Yay, Adventures!!
~Ivy

Anticipation

So you want me to write a book.  Two of you want me to write a book.  Three of you, now, want me to write a book.  Fuck.  It’s like you all decide to gang up on me.  Jerks.  YET! None of you really give me ideas on what to write.  You like my comments, my blurbs, my dirty little stories that never go anywhere.  Maybe I should just compile my erotica. I can call it “Anticipation“.  That is always my favourite part of sex.  Once you get down to it there always seems to be a race to the finish.  Well, maybe not always, just a lot of the time.  That moment where your breath catches in your throat.  Or the touch of their fingers on your neck send electrical shocks down your spine.  You want more, but you force yourself to wait.  To prolong, to resist, to just wait.  You’re not just teasing yourself by waiting, you could be teasing your partner, or partners.  Really in the end though, it all comes down to you.  To what you want and how you want it.  Do you want the anticipation, or do you want to rush.  Do you want to dive into the pleasure? What would feel better.  How much can you really stand?

 

~Ivy

Gay Gay Gay

I’m going to stop dating men for a while.  I am only going to date women now.  When I am with men I am poly, but when I am with women I seem to be monogamous.  What’s with that?? I don’t think I’ll give up whatever relationships I have with dudes right now, I am just not going to pursue any men anymore.  For now. Yay! It’s like I am coming out!

 

~Ivy

Day 8

Day 8: A favorite picture, song or video you associate with non-monogamy.

I’ve been waiting for this day!  Looking though other blogs doing the NMC, I noticed a lot of pictures about being in a V or a Triad, or some kind of love situation.  Now, for me, this picture sums up a lot of situations I have been in.  On both sides of the jealousy.  And I really think that everyone goes through this at some point.  Sometimes more than once.  You can find more awesome poly stick figures here

 

 

~Ivy

OMG New!

Whats new? How about everything?? Nah.  Not everything, but a few things.  Started a tumblr.  Yay me.  Also if things go well over the next couple days (ie my registration go through) I will be off to Alberta for work.  Northern Alberta *eep*  Kind of scary. Kind of exciting.  Kind of wtf am I doing?

I really should get WP back on my BB so I can update this like I ment to before…

 

~Ivy

Late night ramblings

Since our last update this intrepid explorer has gone though a few adventure. Most of them pretty good.  Finished my EMR course *hooray*, made it back home safely and jumped right back into work and a bit of dating.

Remember that beau I had mentioned before?? WELLLLLLL He is no more.  In fact shortly after my last post I stopped hearing from him.  We had a phone chat, he told me he loved me, and then I never heard from him again.  My email to him was returned and all that.  My big question is who tells someone they love them then suddenly stops talking to them? I’m not going to waste time on shit like that though.  Of course there is a small part of me that says if I heard from  him again I might give him a second try.  But that’s likely my hormones talking.  Stupid hormones.

I had a second date with that girl from OKC.  Yoga and brunch.  Delightful! We seem to have a lot of trouble finding time to get together but that’s alright.  Things will work out as they should.  At the same time I met this delightful gal who happens to work with girl one!  Can you say ‘Lesbian Drama’? It’s ok.  They know about each other and think it’s pretty funny.  Ahhh poly life.  I heart you when you work out so nicely.

Now here is the snag.  Cause there is always a snag right?  Girls two is a virgin.  And I mean that in ever sense of the word.  She grew up in a very religious family.  Never been kissed, never dated, has just come out as bi  (really just a lay over to gay town…but you didn’t hear that from me) and so on.  She’s 25.  The other day she asked me to be her first kiss.  Who am I to turn down a cute girl? So I went for it.  It was nice, pretty chaste.  I don’t know where any of this is going, and that’s totally ok.  I’m just enjoying the time with her.

Then there was that swinger party I went to.  Not bad.  Finally had sex with a girl for the first time in…hmmm..2.5 years??? Was fantastic. I want moar naow.

All this has made me realize that I am done with casual.  I want something solid and tangible.  I’m done with fucking randoms.  Take that however you like.  I kind of miss being in a relationship proper.  I’m not really looking for anything though.  Just putting it out there that if it comes along then great.  If not that’s ok to.  However I am going to make the decisions that could lead me to something more solid.

Work is going fantastic.  I got a raise, I’m getting more work and things are going pretty well.  I’m looking forward to the summer and more clients.

Next month I take my ACP exams in Edmonton *urghk* After that I think I might apply to take the 6 month EMT course…but not planning that much.  Gotta get though my exam first.

Oh, I’ve also been going longboarding a lot more too.  Nailed my first tuck a couple weeks ago, feeling some major stoke from that!  Every week I head out for a few hours of riding and playing around.  Need some good glove though.  And less fear of bailing.  I’ll bail if I bail.  Why can’t I be more afraid about falling in love than I am about falling off my deck?

~Ivy

Pudding!!

I am feeling a bit too much in my head today so I need a light and fun topic…So here it is folks.  A post about pudding.

I love pudding.  It’s kind of my favourite guilty snack.  It’s only a guilty snack because I get rather gluttonous about it.  See, I like to mix banana and chocolate pudding.  Typically I do this with pudding cups.  Part of the fun of this is the mess I make mixing it together.  It’s much for fun to eat pudding if you have to lick it off your fingers while doing it…

Speaking (typing?) of pudding and licking it off my fingers, it seems that my new beau is willing to indulge me in my food play.  The one major fantasy that I have yet to really fulfill is my sploshing/WAM fantasy.  I really want to have a food fight with pies and cake and pudding and fruit then basically eat and or lick it off my partner.  Then fucking in the mess or shower.  I’m not really set on the details after that.

Mmmm thats a much better headspace to be in.
~Ivy

Tomorrow I Go!

I head out tomorrow.  Totally nervous.  For lots of reasons.  Seeing Laine, school, maybe seeing other people.  Just ugh, what if I fuck in in school? What if things blow up in my face.  What if what if what fucking if?!

Tokerbell gave me a great pep talk tonight, that helped.  I’m getting my laundry done and my books together.  Then packing, some tv on my lappy.  And to my pillow zone aka cuddle fortress.  Damn could go for some real cuddles!

On another note, I am feeling slightly proud of myself for maintaing a daily blog.  Sure, a couple days of bad/short blogs – but come on! MIGRAINE!! Still made it!

~Ivy