Day 14

Day 14: Anything Non-monogamous you’d like to end this on!

Ahh the last day.  I would like to end this by saying (and I am sure I will say it again in later posts) that sexuality, gender, and mono vs poly doesn’t have to be steadfast.  You have to find what works for you and go with that.  Sometimes I might just date girls, sometimes I might date just one person.  Polyamory is really just an intangible  concept until it is really put into practice.  And even then some people do it just because they think they should be that way.  Dating just one person doesn’t make me less polyamorous.  Or dating one gender doesn’t make me less bisexual.  If it works for you then go for it, and if it doesn’t then try something different.

 

~Ivy

Day 13

Day 13: Write a letter to someone. It can be a coming out letter or a letter regarding how you hate their homophobia or whatnot. You don’t have to send it.

I don’t really know who I would address it to.  Maybe to the people who try to understand, but really in the end fail miserably.  Or to my mother who won’t accept my bisexuality, but is totally alright with me going out with different guys.  To the people who slut shame, because they think they are funny (psst – you’re not).  To the friends who tell me monogamy is the right choice.  To the friends who ask me what is wrong when I only want to be with one person.

I am not hurting anyone by being poly.  It is my choice. I can fuck who I want.  I can love who I want.  If I want to love one person, but fuck four – my choice.  I know the difference between love and lust and sex and friendship.  I can make those decisions.  No one except the people I am with need to understand my situation.  If my partner(s) don’t want to be poly they don’t have to be.  If I want to just be with one person then I can do that too.  I’m not going to say people with seven kids are bad people, so why do people call me awful things when I have two lovers?  Do you love each child less as they come along? Or only give your love to one child at a time? No, you find a way to spend time with each of them.

My life, my choices.  Good or bad.  In the end I am really only hurting myself.

 

~Ivy

Day 8

Day 8: A favorite picture, song or video you associate with non-monogamy.

I’ve been waiting for this day!  Looking though other blogs doing the NMC, I noticed a lot of pictures about being in a V or a Triad, or some kind of love situation.  Now, for me, this picture sums up a lot of situations I have been in.  On both sides of the jealousy.  And I really think that everyone goes through this at some point.  Sometimes more than once.  You can find more awesome poly stick figures here

 

 

~Ivy

Day 5

This is also my 100th post *yay*

Day 5:  How did your family react? (or how do you think they would react?)

I’ve only really come out to my dad.  Well come out fully.  I told him that I was poly and that I was seeing more than one person.  He took it really well.  He was really supportive about me seeing more than one person at the time and told me as long as everyone knew and no one was getting hurt he didn’t see a problem with it.  My mother on the other hand, she doesn’t really know.  She is happy to talk to me about going on dates with dudes, but when it comes to the ladies she suddenly has to get off the phone and go eat or run off to the gym.  I’ve stopped hiding that I date women, but I am not shoving it in her face either.  After coming out as bi and getting the whole “how could you be so selfish/how could you do that to Laine” speech I really don’t want to do that again.  I think she would just tell me (again) that I was confused and lonely and selfish and it was a phase and blah blah blah, then I would stab myself in the leg with a pen just to stop the conversation.  Yep, lets avoid that if we can.

 

~Ivy

Day 4

Day 4: How do you feel about your non-monogamy? Honestly….

 

Seeing as I am currently single I feel pretty good.  I can play with whomever I want, and when I want.  Being single allows me the opportunity to be selfish and focus on my own needs.  I do miss regular companionship, and I do miss being in love.  However, I am not willing to rush into anything while I can’t even say for myself what will be going on next week.  It’s been kind of nice being single.  Learning what makes me happy and what I am no longer willing to put up with.

 

~Ivy

Day 3

Day 3: Describe the best and worst experiences you’ve had coming out to people about being non-monogamous.

 

I don’t really recall the best or worst times.  There have been times where it was an unexpected reaction – generally for good though.  It tends to be strangers that give the worst reactions.  I remember one email I got saying “You look like such a nice and pretty girl on the outside, but deep down you must be an ugly person” all because I stated that I was polyamorous.  One of my worst coming out experiences was when I told my mother I was bi.  She became very upset with me and then said “How could you do that to Laine?” Like I had set out to become bisexual and then hurt my (then) husband.  Yep, that me.  Bisexual with the intent to cause harm.

 

~Ivy

Day 2

When did you first realize you were non-monogamous? What was that experience like?

 

I don’t recall when I actually realized it fully, but it was always there. From when my mother first told me “You don’t have to just be with one person”.  I know she ment, at the time, that I shouldn’t jump into a relationship right away, but for some reason I have always taken it as I can have as many partners as I wanted.  I didn’t really start to practice polyamory until I was in my early 20’s.  Over the years though I had cheated on partners over and over and over again.  The first time was when I was 13.  I was dating some boy, and while I liked him well enough I also really liked this other girl… Once I fully realized that I was poly I felt a lot freer.  Like I could finally be myself.  Poly and bisexual.  It was a dual coming out really.  I was pretty proud of myself for sorting that stuff out.  It hasn’t always been easy, and sometimes it’s really hard. In the end though, it is always worth it – for me.

~Ivy

Non-Monogamous Challenge Day 1

I need to get back to this daily thing. It was really helping for a bit there.  Now I have a meme/challenge thing to do! Yay!

Day 1: Describe the type of non-monogamous relationship you have? You can use an existing category or make up your own!.

Alright! I am currently single, and open to things from playing to relationships.  I have crushes and I was seeing a couple girls who are now dating (yay polyamory!!!) And there maybe be a person or two that I have some dirty text chats with.  I am not attached to anyone right now.  I don’t have a steady play partner or lover(s).  I’ve had some wonderful casual sex not too long ago, and I plan to have some more tonight at this swingers party!

~Ivy